dir. Perry Andelin Blake
Why. Why does this exist. Dana Carvey plays the idiotically-named, and generally idiotic, Pistachio Disguisey. He spends most of his time doing dumb voices and staring goofily with his mouth hanging open, until he’s embroiled in a contrived adventure involving donning a variety of disguises to foil an evil mastermind who farts a lot. Sounds like a kids’ film, except for the neverending offensive stereotypes plus several references to women’s behinds and how Pistachio prefers them bigger. He’s consistently misogynistic, selfish, and stupid, so of course the gorgeous and intelligent love interest played by Jennifer Esposito falls head over heels for him. Perhaps she was taken with his many pointless disguises, from a brown-face Indian shouting “India” over and over again to a giant green turtle shouting “turtle” over and over again. The film overall feels like someone drilling a brain into your skull over and over again – and when it’s finally over, it still doesn’t grant any mercy, instead spewing countless extra scenes in the credits. Even more impressions surface here, and not a single one is good or funny. There are no laughs to be found in the entirety of The Master of Disguise, otherwise known as the longest eighty minutes ever experienced by humankind.
BMDb 