Vampire Dog (2012)

dir. Geoff Anderson Vampire Dog is about as stupid and insane as you’d expect a film called Vampire Dog to be. Twelve-year-old Ace inherits his dead grandfather’s pet dog Fang, and swiftly discovers the canine’s supernatural abilities. He can move super fast. He can hypnotise people. He talks, in the slightly pained tones of NormContinue reading “Vampire Dog (2012)”

A Babysitter’s Guide to Monster Hunting (2020)

dir. Rachel Talalay A Babysitter’s Guide to Monster Hunting quite possibly has the most childish title of all time. Go figure – it’s a kids’ movie, following a young babysitter who goes on a magical quest to save the boy she was supposed to be looking after. He’s been kidnapped, which would pretty much renderContinue reading “A Babysitter’s Guide to Monster Hunting (2020)”

Pride, Prejudice, and Mistletoe (2018)

dir. Don McBrearty Anyone going into this film would assume it’s a modern take on the Jane Austen classic novel, with a Christmas twist. They would be wrong. Pride, Prejudice, and Mistletoe, aside from calling its protagonist “Darcy”, has basically nothing to do with Pride and Prejudice. It doesn’t even really involve very much mistletoe.Continue reading “Pride, Prejudice, and Mistletoe (2018)”

A Shoe Addict’s Christmas (2018)

dir. Michael Robison The title is all about the protagonist’s shoe addiction, yet they seem to forget about it for massive stretches of the film. And when they remember it, the shoes she wears are so hideous that it’s hard to fathom why she’s so keen on them. In this movie, the shoes are magicalContinue reading “A Shoe Addict’s Christmas (2018)”

Love Wrecked / Temptation Island (2005)

dir. Randal Kleiser The title(s) make it sound like a hit reality TV show where bland people flirt with each other on a beach, but it’s actually a fictional rom-com film where bland people flirt with each other on a beach. Amanda Bynes and Meadow Soprano vie for the attentions of a generic pop-rock superstar.Continue reading “Love Wrecked / Temptation Island (2005)”

Monte Carlo (2011)

dir. Thomas Bezucha Three gal pals run around Monte Carlo pretending to be wealthy socialites, after it’s discovered that the generic heroine played Selena Gomez bears an uncanny likeness to a spoiled British heiress played by Selena Gomez. Inevitable hijinks ensue. It throws in a prince, because teen rom coms like to have a prince.Continue reading “Monte Carlo (2011)”

Movie 43 (2013)

dir. Steven Brill, Peter Farrelly, Will Graham, Steve Carr, Griffin Dunne, James Duffy, Jonathan van Tulleken, Elizabeth Banks, Patrik Forsberg, Brett Ratner, Rusty Cundieff, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk, Steve Baker, Damon Escott Movie 43 is an absolute marvel. This anthology “comedy” is a genuine contender for being the worst film of all time, and notContinue reading “Movie 43 (2013)”

Revenge of the Bridesmaids (2010)

dir. James Hayman At first glance you’d be forgiven for thinking this was an attempt to rip off Bridesmaids, banking on the hope that people would confuse the two. But nope, because this one actually came out a year before Bridesmaids did, so there’s really no excuse for the fact it feels like a cheapContinue reading “Revenge of the Bridesmaids (2010)”

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

dir. Lee Harry The sheer audacity of this film has to be seen to be believed. Sure, it does the generic thing of arbitrarily centring the film around the brother of the original protagonist, who did basically nothing in Silent Night, Deadly Night. That’s fine, that’s fair. No, the absolutely shameless thing this sequel doesContinue reading “Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)”

Sydney White (2007)

dir. Joe Nussbaum Snow White, but with Amanda Bynes and some college nerds. That’s it. That’s the film. The poisoned apple is now a computer virus, and Prince Charming is now a vapid good-looking nobody who just happened to show up at the right time – although on second thoughts, perhaps that second point isContinue reading “Sydney White (2007)”

The Little Panda Fighter (2008)

dir. Michelle Gabriel A Video Brinquedo classic, totally unabashed about ripping off Kung Fu Panda. It was even released at the same time to try and bamboozle audiences into confusing the two. Sadly, about four seconds into the amateur animation and stilted dialogue will inform any half-awake viewer that neither DreamWorks nor Jack Black wentContinue reading “The Little Panda Fighter (2008)”

The Ramen Girl (2008)

dir. Robert Allan Ackerman Brittany Murphy was a uniquely talented actor, and she certainly tries her very best in The Ramen Girl. Sadly, she’s the only consistently good thing about it. The rest of the movie mostly revolves around how mystical and spiritual Japanese people are, so Brittany Murphy’s Abby is able to heal herselfContinue reading “The Ramen Girl (2008)”

Theodore Rex (1996)

dir. Jonathan Betuel What the absolute hell even is Theodore Rex? People in this reality actually sat down together and thought, “I know what’d make a great blockbuster – Whoopi Goldberg teaming up with an animatronic dinosaur to fight crime”? The result is exactly as bewildering and surreal as it sounds. Goldberg’s valiant attempts toContinue reading “Theodore Rex (1996)”

Little Italy (2018)

dir. Donald Petrie It’s not even Little Italy in New York. It’s set in Toronto. Okay. The confusion only escalates from there, with such madnesses to contend with as: the saga of two warring, neighbouring pizza restaurants; a septuagenarian love story; a professional chef who never cooks; Hayden Christensen’s unrecognisable Italian accent; Hayden Christensen’s unrecognisableContinue reading “Little Italy (2018)”

Valentine’s Day (2010)

dir. Garry Marshall One of the Love Actually knock-offs which dares to ask the incredible question, “What if a city has a bunch of different people in it, but some of them actually know each other?” This groundbreaking premise is built upon with fleeting scenes where cut-and-paste characters waltz through the standard will-they-won’t-they clichés. There’sContinue reading “Valentine’s Day (2010)”

What a Girl Wants (2003)

dir. Dennie Gordon To be rich. Apparently, that’s what a girl wants. To be rich. Every single time, the lonely but good-hearted girl living a quiet life with her single mother always gets unexpectedly thrust into a life of opulence and luxury. Just once, it’d be nice if the girl finds out her long lostContinue reading “What a Girl Wants (2003)”

What’s Up: Balloon to the Rescue! (2009)

dir. Everton Rodrigues, Michelle Gabriel Video Brinquedo’s nudge-nudge wink-wink, “Oh yes, that acclaimed animated movie about a flying house with ‘up’ in the title, yes we totally did that.” As well as being awkward and unfunny, it’s inexplicably offensive. The movie’s not even that long yet they still manage to throw in a whole routineContinue reading “What’s Up: Balloon to the Rescue! (2009)”

What’s Your Number? (2011)

dir. Mark Mylod One of tragically numerous chick flicks where the sole intention seems to be to make all women in the universe feel bad about themselves. Had sex with multiple partners? You’re a slut! Not had much or any sex? You’re a prude! You’re in a relationship? You’re boring! You’re single? You’re pathetic! AnnaContinue reading “What’s Your Number? (2011)”

You’re Bacon Me Crazy (2010)

dir. Allan Harmon The most egregious thing about it is bacon isn’t even all that heavily featured. Yes, the love interest (who looks like the brother – unsettling) owns a bacon truck. But the entire plot is hinged on persimmons. It’s all about buying the right persimmons, bacon and persimmon sandwiches, persimmons persimmons persimmons. YourContinue reading “You’re Bacon Me Crazy (2010)”

The Decoy Bride (2011)

dir. Sheree Folkson It is difficult to fathom what talented people like Kelly McDonald, David Tennant, Alice Eve, and Dylan Moran are doing in The Decoy Bride. They’re not acting – no one really does that in this film. The story follows a Scottish woman who stands in for a Hollywood celebrity at her wedding,Continue reading “The Decoy Bride (2011)”

ThanksKilling (2008)

dir. Jordan Downey ThanksKilling is a very difficult film to describe. It’s obviously making fun – it’s an out and proud slasher film intended to revel in the joyous extremes of the horror genre. Hence the demonic turkey who struts around swearing at people. Or the ancient book of magic that is quite obviously aContinue reading “ThanksKilling (2008)”

Tall Girl (2019)

dir. Nzingha Stewart There are many minorities and downtrodden communities who face adversity in life. Women; ethnic minorities; the LGBTQ+ community; disabled people; the elderly; the working class and others from socio-economic groups with a lower income. But did any of these people stop and consider the most persecuted community of all: tall girls? Well,Continue reading “Tall Girl (2019)”

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

dir. Charles E. Sellier Jr. A shameless Christmas-themed slasher, about as overblown and pulpy as you’d expect. The protagonist suffers from PTSD due to seeing his parents get murdered on Christmas Eve when he was a kid; as an adult he despises Christmas to the extend he dresses up as Santa and kills people. Standard.Continue reading “Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)”

She’s Out of My League (2010)

dir. Jim Field Smith One of those films that pretends it’s all about how beauty isn’t just found in physical appearances, then spends the entire runtime scrutinising and judging people’s physical appearances. It’s a thoroughly mean-spirited story, with everyone treating each other pretty poorly. At one point, Alice Eve’s “10/10” character admits her dark secret:Continue reading “She’s Out of My League (2010)”

Sex and the City 2 (2010)

dir. Michael Patrick King The Sex and the City TV series, for all its faults, was genuinely groundbreaking. It let women do, think and say things they’d seldom been allowed to on TV before, and some of the emotional beats were handled in an extremely affecting way. How sad, then, that the entire Sex andContinue reading “Sex and the City 2 (2010)”

Sex and the City (2008)

dir. Michael Patrick King This film makes it abundantly clear that Sex and the City was never supposed to be in cinemas. The antics of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha were perfect for the small screen: a bit of escapism each week, a little “story of the week” while allowing for long-form arcs. Sex andContinue reading “Sex and the City (2008)”

Ratatoing (2007)

dir. Michelle Gabriel Video Brinquedo’s entire reason for existing is to make shameless rip-offs of successful animated movies, but this one takes it to unprecedented depths of audacity. As if the title Ratatoing was intended to do anything except trick people into thinking it’s Ratatouille. As if this one just happens, by mere coincidence, toContinue reading “Ratatoing (2007)”

New Year’s Eve (2011)

dir. Garry Marshall Like Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve is another film where Garry Marshall follows around a bunch of insipid nobodies in an attempt to rip off Love Actually. It’s very difficult to understand why anyone would want to rip off Love Actually to begin with, but here we are. This one really triesContinue reading “New Year’s Eve (2011)”

My Fake Fiancé (2009)

dir. Gil Junger One of those ABC Family movies that is almost entirely dependent on the premise that being single is the worst, most disgusting thing in the world. Sabrina the Teenage Witch meets Joey from Blossom during a wedding at, shock horror, the singles table. At first, they’re scathing about the opulent gifts andContinue reading “My Fake Fiancé (2009)”

Mean Girls 2 (2011)

dir. Melanie Mayron By far the most egregious thing about Mean Girls 2 is its name. Tim Meadows returns as the same principal, despite the setting seemingly being an entirely different high school in an entirely different state, but besides that this movie has emphatically nothing to do with Mean Girls. Sure, they say “theContinue reading “Mean Girls 2 (2011)”

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)

dir. Ol Parker Yes, it’s the ABBA lyrics, but it’s quite something when even the movie sounds sick of itself. Here we go, again. Can’t blame it, though – the Mamma Mia! sequel is such a mess that even Meryl Streep couldn’t be coaxed into returning for more than a few seconds as a smilingContinue reading “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)”

Loqueesha (2019)

dir. Jeremy Saville Loqueesha is, frankly, disgusting. It’s just disgusting. There are no other words for it. The story follows a white man who launches a successful radio show by “pretending to be a black woman”. This means he puts on the most utterly offensive stereotypical voice, which roughly equates to him yelling obnoxiously inContinue reading “Loqueesha (2019)”

Legally Blondes (2009)

dir. Savage Steve Holland Blondes, plural. Ostensibly this loosely affiliated Legally Blonde spin-off decided Elle Woods wasn’t enough, and decided to rectify this by giving us Elle Woods’ irritating twin cousins instead. Twin 1 and Twin 2 – they have names, but they’re so totally devoid of personality it makes no difference – make theContinue reading “Legally Blondes (2009)”

Last Christmas (2019)

dir. Paul Feig It’s pretty obvious that they just said, “Let’s take a bunch of George Michael songs” and then built a movie around them, but that’s far from being the most egregious part of Last Christmas. Emilia Clarke stomps around London, destroying her friends’ possessions and putting her boss’ workplace at risk of theft.Continue reading “Last Christmas (2019)”

The Kissing Booth 2 (2020)

dir. Vince Marcello Sequel to 2018’s The Kissing Booth and the second of a projected trilogy, The Kissing Booth 2 manages to perform the impossible and is somehow an even worse film than its predecessor. Joey King’s Elle finds her already toxic romance threatened when her boyfriend Noah moves to Harvard. To Elle’s dismay, girlsContinue reading “The Kissing Booth 2 (2020)”

The Kissing Booth (2018)

dir. Vince Marcello It’s genuinely alarming that a movie like The Kissing Booth can be made and find success in 2018. So many of the ideas are fundamentally archaic. The best friendship at the centre of the story is dependent to the point of emotional abuse, while the main character Elle’s love interest is manipulativeContinue reading “The Kissing Booth (2018)”

Jack and Jill (2011)

dir. Dennis Dugan Adam Sandler and the Happy Madison movies are quite a marvel. Adam Sandler and many of his colleagues have proven themselves to be genuinely talented actors and comedians. So it’s difficult to understand why they so frequently ignore all of their abilities and instead seemingly come together to create the absolute worstContinue reading “Jack and Jill (2011)”

I Feel Pretty (2018)

dir. Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein I Feel Pretty really hinges itself on the absolute worst of Amy Schumer’s comedy. The type when all you see is a conventionally attractive white woman bemoaning how fat, ugly and weird she is. In I Feel Pretty, Schumer’s character Renee gets concussed and suddenly believes herself to be aContinue reading “I Feel Pretty (2018)”

Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)

dir. Ron Underwood Trudie (Melissa Joan Hart) has a family who always pressurises her to be in a relationship. How understandable! But this year, she has the perfect boyfriend she can bring home for Christmas. How delightful! Unfortunately, he breaks up with her right as they’re about to go and meet her family. How sympathetic!Continue reading “Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)”

Her Best Move (2007)

dir. Norm Hunter A teenage girl has to balance sports, friends, family, romance, and education. That’s the movie. Just, y’know, life. Despite the central conceit of – gasp! A girl playing football – the film is pretty generic, with each character stepping into their moulded place: Encouraging Best Friend, Eager Father, Sympathetic Mother, Boyfriendy Boyfriend.Continue reading “Her Best Move (2007)”

Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars (2010)

dir. Ron Oliver Anyone even vaguely acquainted with Harriet the Spy will immediately wonder what the hell it has to do with blogging. This version ages Harriet up to 16; one would think she’d be over the fairly childish spy games by this age, but ostensibly not. Therefore her “spying” just comes across a lotContinue reading “Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars (2010)”

Goat Story – The Old Prague Legends (2008)

dir. Jan Tománek Goat Story is freaky. It’s just freaky. And not just because of the shoddy computer animation, which gives every character such bulging eyes and stilted movement that the visuals alone make Goat Story the stuff of nightmares. But that’s not enough – Goat Story has to push things further. It has toContinue reading “Goat Story – The Old Prague Legends (2008)”

Goat Story 2 / Goat Story with Cheese (2012)

dir. Jan Tománek One would be forgiven for believing it couldn’t get any worse than Goat Story, but wow, it really does. Goat Story 2 manages to somehow be even madder, scarier and stupider than the first one. The same horrific animation stays. There are idiotic songs and annoying characters again. But this time, theContinue reading “Goat Story 2 / Goat Story with Cheese (2012)”

Gnomeo and Juliet (2011)

dir. Kelly Asbury Romeo and Juliet, as told by animated comedic gnomes. Oh good. Clearly someone came up with the title and decided to build a movie around it, but even that doesn’t excuse the total absence of any humour, romance, or basic effort at all from this film. The jokes are all of theContinue reading “Gnomeo and Juliet (2011)”

Gigli (2003)

dir. Martin Brest Obviously, Gigli is disgusting. Jennifer Lopez playing a lesbian character who winds up so enamoured with Ben Affleck’s mobster charms that she turns straight for him? It’s an insult. Especially when the supposed sexy chemistry is conveyed by moments such as Lopez spreading her legs and whispering “It’s turkey time – gobbleContinue reading “Gigli (2003)”

G-Force (2009)

dir. Hoyt Yeatman G-Force is a family film about a bunch of talking guinea pigs and other animals. For something so inherently basic, it’s weirdly hard to follow. There’s intelligence operations and spy gadgets and microchips and FBI stings and computer viruses. There’s also a cackling British villain played with maximum Britishness by Bill Nighy.Continue reading “G-Force (2009)”

Foodfight! (2012)

dir. Lawrence Kasanoff It’s difficult to talk about Foodfight!. It’s difficult to even think about Foodfight!. This is a serious contender for all-time most grotesque film ever made. Everything about it is completely, monstrously ugly. The animation is ugly, as though every character was specifically designed to be as repellent as possible. The sexual innuendoContinue reading “Foodfight! (2012)”

Falling Inn Love (2019)

dir. Roger Kumble One of those rom-coms that proudly proclaims being a city girl is inherently a soulless and terrible thing, and so all women seeking happiness need to move to “the country”. In this case it’s taken to extremes. Christina Milian plays Gabriela, who necks about three bottles of wine before entering a contestContinue reading “Falling Inn Love (2019)”

Failure to Launch (2006)

dir. Tom Dey Pretty much nothing about Failure to Launch adds up to a coherent message. It’s firmly suggested that a grown man living at home is a pathetic waste of space, but then it’s acknowledged he may have a decent reason for doing so, like grief. But then he’s encouraged to move out anyway.Continue reading “Failure to Launch (2006)”

The Emoji Movie (2017)

dir. Tony Leondis There may well have never been a more cynical, less creative conceit for a film. Phones and social media are popular, so why don’t we make emojis have their own world? The result is obviously about as shallow and one-note as, well, an emoji. Practically every line is a nudge and winkContinue reading “The Emoji Movie (2017)”

Drop Dead Fred (1991)

dir. Ate de Jong The sole trait of the character Drop Dead Fred is that he’s annoying. Unfortunately, by making Drop Dead Fred obnoxious and unlikeable, it also makes Drop Dead Fred obnoxious and unlikeable. Seems obvious, but the movie didn’t seem to realise it. Phoebe Cates plays Elizabeth, a young woman who begins seeingContinue reading “Drop Dead Fred (1991)”

Dog Days (2018)

dir. Ken Marino Okay, so, it’s Love Actually, but with dogs. An ensemble cast with interweaving romantic storylines – but the majority of the “interweaving” is simply that they all use the same vet. It’s a pretty lazy conceit. Obviously the characters are all bland stereotypes. Obviously there’s a creepy incel who we’re supposed toContinue reading “Dog Days (2018)”

Dirty Grandpa (2016)

dir. Dan Mazer In this veritable cesspool of obscenity, there is not a single redemptive factor to be found. The “story”, though the word affords Dirty Grandpa far more than it deserves, follows titular grandfather Richard “Dick” Kelly (played, tragically, by Robert De Niro). After his wife dies, he embarks on a doggedly zany adventure with hisContinue reading “Dirty Grandpa (2016)”

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)

dir. Sara Sugarman It’s hard to believe that this and Mean Girls came out in the same year. Two Lindsay Lohan-fronted high school comedies, yet so, so different. Confessions is a totally vapid movie, with Lohan’s drama queen protagonist swanning about calling herself pseudonyms, trying to get in with celebrities, desperate to front the schoolContinue reading “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)”

The Christmas Trap / Christmas in the Heartland (2018)

dir. Harvey Lowry With its title, The Christmas Trap is pretty blatant about being a Christmas-themed rip-off of The Parent Trap. Okay, fine. Except in this film, the two main girls Kara and Jessie don’t meet at summer camp, but on a plane. And in this film, they’re not twins. They’re in fact complete andContinue reading “The Christmas Trap / Christmas in the Heartland (2018)”

Bride Wars (2009)

dir. Gary Winick Bride Wars is a serious contender for being the most mean-spirited film ever made. Two childhood best friends transform into shrieking manipulative banshees, wholly consumed in their hatred for one another. Why? Because they each want to be the first one to get married. This apparently justifies all manner of sabotage, includingContinue reading “Bride Wars (2009)”

Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)

dir. Sam Firstenberg The title that launched a thousand memes. Three street dancers attempt to stop the demolition of a local community centre that the big bad establishment want to turn into that hive of greed and vice, a shopping mall. Obviously this is a standard tale of the little guy facing the man, andContinue reading “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)”

Brat: Holiday Spectacular (2018)

dir. Shannon Flynn An original Brat TV movie. Oh, okay. Brat TV is a community of teenage content creators and social media influencers, sharing videos and shows through YouTube. Their Holiday Spectacular features all their generic, vapid faces, running around a mall at Christmas time and engaging in the most insipid “inspirational” storylines imaginable. ThinkContinue reading “Brat: Holiday Spectacular (2018)”

Blind Dating / Blind Guy Driving (2006)

dir. James Keach Blind Dating is, frankly, offensive. It’s just offensive. You’d think there’d be something of value in a movie centring a disabled character and exploring an interracial romance, but, well, there is not. Chris Pine’s Danny is a man, blind from birth, who’s mocked by his peers for being a virgin at 22.Continue reading “Blind Dating / Blind Guy Driving (2006)”

Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2018)

dir. Raja Gosnell It’s called Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Does it even sound like it’s going to attempt to be a good movie? Most of the movie isn’t even set in Beverly Hills – the titular chihuahua gets dognapped in Mexico, and spends the movie trying to get back home. She contends with an evil Doberman,Continue reading “Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2018)”

Best F(r)iends: Volume 1 (2017)

dir. Justin MacGregor Best F(r)iends: Volume 1 is quite, quite mad. It was always going to be. It’s the first time Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero starred in a movie together, 15 years after The Room. Sestero plays a homeless drifter who meets a peculiar mortician – played by Tommy Wiseau, he sort of looksContinue reading “Best F(r)iends: Volume 1 (2017)”

Best F(r)iends: Volume 2 (2018)

dir. Justin MacGregor Best F(r)iends: Volume 1 manages to strike the right tone between compelling and offputtingly insane. Unfortunately, Volume 2 begins veering more decisively towards the latter. Greg Sestero spends much of it frowning or staring vacantly, as deception after deception by the people around him is unveiled. Turns out he perhaps should haveContinue reading “Best F(r)iends: Volume 2 (2018)”

Beauty and the Briefcase (2010)

dir. Gil Junger Pretty standard tale of a woman growing close to a man under false pretences, only to realise that real feelings are blooming. This time, Hilary Duff plays an aspiring fashion journalist, who sort of falls into a job at a faceless corporate enterprise. Her intention is to date businessmen, presumably to padContinue reading “Beauty and the Briefcase (2010)”

BASEketball (1998)

dir. David Zucker BASEketball is a bizarre entity. South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone star as two best friends who create a weird fusion sport, BASEketball, which involves no sporting prowess to win whatsoever. It grows into a major league sport, but naturally the duo’s friendship suffers in the face of success. BASEketballContinue reading “BASEketball (1998)”

Bad Teacher (2011)

dir. Jake Kasdan Bad Teacher stars Cameron Diaz as Elizabeth, a terrible middle school teacher who routinely ignores her class and is more focused on raising money to get herself breast implants. It’s supposed to be funny, because she’s ever such an incorrigible rascal, but it’s just infuriating. She behaves like a selfish brat, whichContinue reading “Bad Teacher (2011)”

A Bad Moms Christmas (2017)

dir. Jon Lucas, Scott Moore Sequel to Bad Moms, A Bad Moms Christmas takes everything that was terrible about the first one, increases it tenfold, and makes it Christmas time. This time, our trio of “rebellious” mothers have their own mothers to contend with. Christine Baranski plays an uptight perfectionist who cares more about herContinue reading “A Bad Moms Christmas (2017)”

All About Steve (2009)

dir. Phil Traill All About Steve stars Sandra Bullock as the frankly unhinged protagonist, Mary. The movie tries to paint her as an immature but misunderstood loner, who just longs for someone to love. Therefore, her rapid descent into full-on harassment and stalking is meant to be a charming personality quirk, rather than a reasonContinue reading “All About Steve (2009)”

The Accidental Husband (2008)

dir. Griffin Dunne An uptight, meticulous woman (Uma Thurman) finds her life thrown off orbit by a good-looking but oh-so-unorthodox man (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). He’s just so wrong for her. Or is he…?! The Accidental Husband has the essential foundation of pretty much every rom-com ever. This one leans heavy into the clichés, including aContinue reading “The Accidental Husband (2008)”

A Snow Globe Christmas (2013)

dir. Jodi Binstock One of the two, entirely separate “Christina Milian stars in a movie where a woman gets stuck in a snow globe” movies, the other being Snowglobe. Clearly, six years after Snowglobe, Christina Milian just hadn’t had her fill of snow globe themed shenanigans. This time she plays an angel, who bewitches workaholicContinue reading “A Snow Globe Christmas (2013)”

3rd World Cops / Fuerzas Especiales (2014)

dir. José Miguel Zúñiga The two main stars of 3rd World Cops are successful Chilean comedians, who made their name through sketch shows. It shows, as 3rd World Cops is less a movie and more an incoherent collection of random scenes. The lines are drawn fairly quickly: on one side there’s the dim-witted but good-heartedContinue reading “3rd World Cops / Fuerzas Especiales (2014)”

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)

dir. Sean McNamara The fourth, and mercifully final, of the 3 Ninjas series, preceded by 3 Ninjas, 3 Ninjas Kick Back, and 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up. God only knows what terrible sins we committed as a society to be punished with living in a world where four of these exist. Credit where credit’s due, though,Continue reading “3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)”

3 Ninjas Knuckle Up (1995)

dir. Shin Sang-ok The third of the 3 Ninjas films, preceded by 3 Ninjas and 3 Ninjas Kick Back, and followed by 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. Rather disarmingly, this film was filmed alongside the first one in 1992, but released three years later – meaning the cast consists of the three originalContinue reading “3 Ninjas Knuckle Up (1995)”

3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994)

dir. Charles T. Kanganis The second 3 Ninjas film, preceded by 3 Ninjas, and followed by 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up and 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. This one sees our annoying three little boys return, although two of the actors are replaced. Their ninja grandpa also returns, although his name has been changedContinue reading “3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994)”