Category Archives: Musical

Dear Evan Hansen (2021)

dir. Stephen Chbosky Dear Evan Hansen might well be the best ever example of a film trying so hard to be seen saying something that it says nothing at all. Its musings on teen drama, suicide, mental health, love, family, and maturity are completely undermined by its tick-box approach to each of these concepts. OurContinue reading “Dear Evan Hansen (2021)”

The Magic Pudding (2000)

dir. Karl Zwicky Horrendous. It is just horrendous. The Magic Pudding is based on a beloved Australian children’s classic book, and one can only hope the source material isn’t as horrendous as the adaptation. The story is horrendous: a koala bear goes in search of his lost parents, only to encounter a magical pudding whichContinue reading “The Magic Pudding (2000)”

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (2000)

dir. Phil Roman Watching this Christmas television movie is genuinely one of the most bizarre viewing experiences possible. Based on the irritating novelty song of the same name, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer manages to fit an unprecedented amount of insanity in less than an hour. When young Jake sees his grandma hitContinue reading “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (2000)”

Disenchanted (2022)

dir. Adam Shankman Considering that Disney’s 2007 fairy-tale send-up Enchanted is a genuinely clever, charming film, it’s even more disappointing that its sequel is so rushed, lazy and uninspired. Set ten years after the original, fairy-tale protagonist Giselle (Amy Adams) lives happily with her family in New York, but soon after moving to suburbia, sheContinue reading “Disenchanted (2022)”

Norm of the North (2016)

dir. Trevor Wall There’s a lot of really obvious stuff to despise about Norm of the North, a film about the eponymous polar bear’s wacky adventures in the course of finding his true self. There’s the lazy animation, in which characters’ textures often look stiff and rubbery, and the same boring, flailing polar bear danceContinue reading “Norm of the North (2016)”

The Swan Princess: A Royal Wedding (2020)

dir. Richard Rich How 1994’s underwhelming animated movie The Swan Princess became a fully-fledged franchise is a mystery lost to the ages. Regardless, with A Royal Wedding they made it to the tenth instalment. The original film’s central couple, Princess Odette and Price Derek, are now having adventures in historic China alongside their talking animalContinue reading “The Swan Princess: A Royal Wedding (2020)”

Pinocchio: A True Story (2021)

dir. Vasiliy Rovenskiy The USA English-language dub of Pinocchio: A True Story achieved online fame when the trailer was widely shared by disbelieving viewers. “Father,” intones Pauly Shore in a robotic monotone, before culminating in a lilting whinge with “when can I leave to be on my ooowwwn? I’ve got the whole worrrld to see.”Continue reading “Pinocchio: A True Story (2021)”

Basmati Blues (2017)

dir. Danny Baron When an American rom-com musical elects to call itself Basmati Blues, there’s no pretending it’s going to be anything other than insipid racist garbage. Perhaps there’s a noble intent somewhere in there to emulate the spectacle and glamour of Bollywood, but Basmati Blues trades in any mere hope of spectacle or glamourContinue reading “Basmati Blues (2017)”

Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale (2010)

dir. John Dunson & Sean Dunson Even the title is way off, because this story about an aspiring pop star has very few, if any, parallels with the Cinderella fairy tale. Does our plucky heroine Elle live with her evil stepmother and stepsisters? No, she lives with a man constantly referred to as “Uncle Allen”Continue reading “Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale (2010)”

Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa (2002)

dir. Colin Slater A short 3D animated feature about the magic of Christmas, introducing a brand new gang of adorable kids, and starring voice acting legends such as Paige O’Hara, Jodi Benson, Nancy Cartwright and Mark Hamill. Released seven years after Toy Story, so the world’s already aware of the wonders 3D animation can achieve.Continue reading “Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa (2002)”

Kaho Naa… Pyaar Hai (2000)

dir. Rakesh Roshan Kaho Naa… Pyaar Hai is one of those Bollywood movies that they seemingly made up as they went. He’s a musician! She has a new car! They’re on a boat! They’re stuck on a desert island! He’s… dead? But it’s okay, because his exact lookalike lives in New Zealand and seamlessly stepsContinue reading “Kaho Naa… Pyaar Hai (2000)”

Quest for Camelot (1998)

dir. Frederik Du Chau One of those movies you watch as a kid and think is basically Disney, but then you grow up, rewatch it in a fit of nostalgia, and realise it’s pure trash. The heroine Kayley sets off on a quest to retrieve the legendary sword Excalibur and restore Camelot to peace, butContinue reading “Quest for Camelot (1998)”

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)

dir. Ol Parker Yes, it’s the ABBA lyrics, but it’s quite something when even the movie sounds sick of itself. Here we go, again. Can’t blame it, though – the Mamma Mia! sequel is such a mess that even Meryl Streep couldn’t be coaxed into returning for more than a few seconds as a smilingContinue reading “Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)”

Les Misérables (2012)

dir. Tom Hooper Because of wins for Best Supporting Actress, Best Makeup and Hairstyling, and Best Sound Mixing, Les Misérables can legitimately call itself an Oscar-winning movie. It’s a real shame, because it’s really not very good. As a rule the best musicals are a bit overblown, but Tom Hooper takes this to hilarious extremes,Continue reading “Les Misérables (2012)”

Goat Story – The Old Prague Legends (2008)

dir. Jan Tománek Goat Story is freaky. It’s just freaky. And not just because of the shoddy computer animation, which gives every character such bulging eyes and stilted movement that the visuals alone make Goat Story the stuff of nightmares. But that’s not enough – Goat Story has to push things further. It has toContinue reading “Goat Story – The Old Prague Legends (2008)”

Goat Story 2 / Goat Story with Cheese (2012)

dir. Jan Tománek One would be forgiven for believing it couldn’t get any worse than Goat Story, but wow, it really does. Goat Story 2 manages to somehow be even madder, scarier and stupider than the first one. The same horrific animation stays. There are idiotic songs and annoying characters again. But this time, theContinue reading “Goat Story 2 / Goat Story with Cheese (2012)”

Fanaa (2006)

dir. Kunal Kohli Some pretty typical Bollywood shenanigans in this one. A blind girl falls in love with a man, and even sleeps with him, getting pregnant before marriage. Scandalous enough, but then the audience discover he is a terrorist. Then the man dies. Then Then the blind girl gets her lifelong blindness magically cured.Continue reading “Fanaa (2006)”

Baazigar (1993)

dir. Abbas-Mustan Baazigar as a film can be summarised quite well by its titular song. Kajol’s character has met Shah Rukh Khan’s character and, unaware that he’s currently in a relationship with her sister (Shilpa Shetty), indulges in a fantasy sequence about his many charms. During the song, he’s portrayed as a matador. He alsoContinue reading “Baazigar (1993)”

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)

dir. Sara Sugarman It’s hard to believe that this and Mean Girls came out in the same year. Two Lindsay Lohan-fronted high school comedies, yet so, so different. Confessions is a totally vapid movie, with Lohan’s drama queen protagonist swanning about calling herself pseudonyms, trying to get in with celebrities, desperate to front the schoolContinue reading “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)”

Burlesque (2010)

dir. Steven Antin So much of Burlesque, from the title to Alan Cummings’ shameless Emcee character, is obviously lifted from Cabaret. Yet it would be difficult to find a movie further away from the intelligent style and substance of Cabaret. Christina Aguilera plays Ali, a woman who perfects her burlesque performance skills seemingly by wanderingContinue reading “Burlesque (2010)”

Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)

dir. Sam Firstenberg The title that launched a thousand memes. Three street dancers attempt to stop the demolition of a local community centre that the big bad establishment want to turn into that hive of greed and vice, a shopping mall. Obviously this is a standard tale of the little guy facing the man, andContinue reading “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)”