Little Italy (2018)

dir. Donald Petrie

It’s not even Little Italy in New York. It’s set in Toronto. Okay. The confusion only escalates from there, with such madnesses to contend with as: the saga of two warring, neighbouring pizza restaurants; a septuagenarian love story; a professional chef who never cooks; Hayden Christensen’s unrecognisable Italian accent; Hayden Christensen’s unrecognisable face; a pointless one-on-one football game in the middle of the night in the rain; a bitchy and pompous air stewardess set up as the film’s antagonist, only never to return again; a strange man who wanders into family gatherings and sniffs women’s shoes, only never to return again; and most damning of all, alleged professional pizza-makers producing some of the worst looking pizzas the world has ever seen. You’d never have thought that Little Italy could be big enough to fit so much bewildering nonsense.

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