The Love Guru (2008)

dir. Marco Schnabel

This is a 2008 film starring Mike Myers as an Indian sex and relationships guru. Was it ever going to go well, in any conceivable reality? Even if Mike Myers himself wasn’t so corrosively irritating – lisping in a pseudo-Eastern European accent which doesn’t sound remotely Indian, and talking at the camera rather than to any actors around him because he’s so committed to showing off how funny he believes he is – none of this film’s premise was ever going to work, especially not in 2008. The guru has to help an ice hockey team win the Stanley Cup. His followers (or, more accurately, his cult) say “Mariska Hargitay” to each other instead of “Namaste”. The guru sings songs and flirts with Jessica Alba by preparing a meal for her which looks a bit like testicles. When one character asks, of his own outfit, “What’s wrong with shark skin?” our esteemed guru responds with “More like gay skin!”, a response which begs so many questions that any viewer of this film would need to seek out a genuine guru’s advice if they are ever to feel a shred of peace again. And of course, the climactic scene of the movie is two elephants having sex on an ice rink. Perhaps, perhaps, this would have been hilariously cutting-edge in the 1990s, but even that’s a stretch.

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