The Last Vampire on Earth (2010)

dir. Vitaliy Versace

It’s vampire cosplay filmed on someone’s Nokia 7650. Give or take. Released a couple years after Twilight while the franchise was still going strong, it’s clear the creators wanted to get in on the vampire-centric melodrama. Including such subtleties as the pale and brooding love interest being a haematology student, the film constantly bashes the audience on their heads with its message of “Trust that weird stranger – he could be the love of your life!” It also manages to treat the subject of AIDS with a yawning lack of sensitivity. The movie culminates in a woodland stand-off, with all wiles and wit replaced with guns and crying. The crying is especially regrettable seeing how much it risks making everyone’s excessive black eyeliner run.

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