Twilight (2008)

dir. Catherine Hardwicke

Ah, where it all began! The beautiful and insightful Bella Swan, who permanently looks like she’s going to be sick and sometimes arbitrarily falls on her ass. The brooding and charismatic Edward Cullen, who ostensibly slaps on some clown make-up every morning and fervently believes a diet of animal blood makes you a vegetarian. How wonderful that these two souls should finally meet! Who cares that the vampires loiter around Forks for seemingly no reason or benefit? Who cares that the only genuinely likeable character of the whole series, Bella’s poor dad Charlie, gets constantly manipulated and ignored? Who cares that the entire saga should have been based around Anna Kendrick’s character, who’s way more interesting than Bella? Who cares that the girl is 17 and her boyfriend is 108? This is true love. And Twilight knows that when it’s true love, the best thing to do is to stop caring.

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