The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

dir. David Slade

Also known as “Insipid Love Triangle: The Movie”. The most forgettable of the Twilight films, no matter how eager Taylor Lautner is to take his shirt off. The most egregious thing of all is, while he’s undeniably a pathetic, clingy, hollow shell of a figure, Jacob is still about forty million times more interesting and likeable than Edward. But then again, Bella is determined to keep up her raison d’être of being a useless nothing, so obviously she goes for the partner who most resembles herself. So in short, absolutely nothing happens, except some werewolves run around in the desperate attempt to convince us that Stephanie Meyer created a sprawling, complex universe.

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