The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

dir. Chris Weitz

Poor lovesick Bella. She spends a good deal of this film sitting sadly on a chair, while the camera spins around her and captions flash up telling us what month it is. It shows she’s depressed. Get it? All because one of the Cullens almost attacks Bella because he’s driven mad by the scent of her blood. Then Edward is all, “Oh yeah, I’m a vampire,” and elects to run away in order to protect his love. Bella responds by talking to some guys who ride around on motorcycles. Truly the epitome of troubled youth. Bella thinks if she nearly dies, Edward will come and save her; when Edward thinks Bella has died, he decides to kill himself. What a healthy, non-manipulative, honest foundation for the greatest love story of all time.

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